Cooking

For the last ten days or so I have been trying to be the best housewife I can be. I have been trying to make sure we get up and dressed at a reasonable hour and that I have put at least some extra effort into my own appearance. Some days I choose to give my hair ten extra minutes or maybe to slap some makeup on my face. I wish that I could go all Donna Reid with the pearls and heels but that just isn't practical in our day. I've also tried to keep up on dishes and sweeping the floors. I've continued with the scrubbing project in the kitchen which is making my arms and ass hurt so at least there's an added benefit there.

But the biggest thing I've been trying to keep up with is meal planning and cooking. Each week I sit down and go through my cookbooks and try to find something, anything that my picky husband might eat. Then I make grocery lists and shop accordingly. This helps me to get to know my new grocery store as I'm constantly looking for something different and not just wandering around aimlessly. I have to change some of the recipes to fit Mike's craziness and some to fit the items that aren't available in such a small town. I've also been trying to make sure to put out all my ingredients earlier in the day so that there's time if I need to run out and grab something I forgot and I reread the recipe so I know if something needs to marinate or cook for way longer than I expected. As part of this, I'd love to know if you have any suggestions for a good cookbook AND if you'd like a cookbook of your own, go to Small Town Mommy and enter her giveaway. Or don't, cuz I'd like to win and you entering really doesn't help my chances any. So never mind, don't enter, but still go there if you'd like. She's also from a small town so maybe she can let me know what recipes to avoid because I won't be able to find the necessary foodstuffs.

What I'm going to start doing, at least on the days I write, is to let you know what's for dinner at the end of each post. If I'm writing after we've eaten I'll let you know how it went over. This probably won't interest anyone but might lead to me posting more regularly because my people will NEED to know what we ate! Ha!

What's for dinner: Cheesy chicken enchiladas- got the recipe online somewhere and it's my first time cooking with chiles, I'm scared.

Der, take your cohesion away from here

You know how when you're mad at someone, every little thing they do just annoys the crap out of you? Yeah. I was ready to scream by the time we went to bed last night and Mike hadn't really done anything out of the ordinary. They way he chewed his food, the tone in his voice when he talked, the amount of time he spent in the bathroom. It was all just so freaking annoying. GAHD!

Today I want to thank my mother for all the times she mopped the kitchen floor when I was a kid and no one ever said 'thank you' or even 'my, what a nice clean floor'. Thanks Mom! I spent about 30 minutes scrubbing my floor with a brush today and have done maybe a quarter of the kitchen. It is my belief that the people who lived here before never did this and thus I am scrubbing at least ten years of dirt out of the ugly linoleum. Even the parts that I've already done don't really seem to be clean and are nowhere near the spotless shine I had been hoping for. I'm using the Clorox green works natural dilutable cleaner and that may be part of why it isn't quite as clean as I like things. Perhaps my overuse of products containing bleach has led me to expect a clinical environment. Perhaps I will resort to dumping bleach on the floor tomorrow.

Holy hell! How the E F F did I not say this first? Diva is a crawling fool yo. She still kind of drags one leg a little but as of this morning she is a crawler. It makes me a little sad because, to me, this marks the end of the true baby stage. From this day forward, my baby doesn't need me to bring her the toys she wants or to chase down the binky that she flipped across the room. She can get her ass grooving and capture that wascally wabbit herself. I also know exactly how much more work is going to go into keeping her safe and my stuff unbroken. *sigh*

Heard a moment ago:
Mike: look at the goatee on this guy. It's a freaking troll doll on his face.

And it was people. It was. Ryan Franklin of the Cardinals, please get that thing off your face before you get it stuck in a damn escalator. I tried finding an image but there's nothing that even comes close to showing the glory that he was sporting today.

I'm excited, Mike just gave the green light to a trip to Minneapolis to visit the closest Ikea if we get our tax rebate in time. Yay! Confusing swedish furniture and a five hour drive each way. Honestly, I cannot wait. I'm sure we'll end up screaming at each other in the MOA and having one or both of our children lost for at least twenty minutes and I'll come home with fifteen new bruises and maybe a stitch or two. This is how road trips usually end for me. So, let's hope we close on this stupid house very soon so I can go to the cities.

Scrub a dub

Mike refuses to give Diva a bath and for some reason I am unable to just let it go. It pisses me off every damn time! One of the reasons I believe that my second marriage is so much better than my first is my ability to let things go. Some may say I don't sweat the small stuff, but I prefer not to sweat at all so, I'm not a fan of that saying. I have become remarkably good at biting my tongue until I either realize that it never really mattered that much or I see/hear something that makes me so grateful for my life that I can't help but move past my anger. This works remarkably well in keeping the peace but doesn't really do much for my neck and shoulder muscles.

Mike has never given me any reason for this denial of duty before and so I always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by assuming he didn't want to admit that he was afraid. This always seemed a little silly as he knows my track record and nearly drowning our children but it was all I could come up with. Unfortunately it seems that his reason is far less noble. He's too grossed out to give his daughter a bath. He thinks it's icky. He really dislikes the idea of sitting in a tub of water to the point that he cannot watch someone else do it and would be horrified if I took a bath and then came to bed without showering quickly. I honestly think that his 'aversions' to things are beyond ridiculous at this point and there are days that I really just want to tell him to grow the fuck up and get over it. Onions aren't going to kill you, corn is not the enemy, and wood isn't the devil. I spend half my time while grocery shopping or menu planning trying to decide what will and won't set off one of his many issues.

In his defense, he's very good about just making his own dinner if he doesn't approve of what I've made, but then he never sits down to eat with the rest of the family (which is a post unto itself). Do you have picky eaters in your house? Can you buy cooking utensils without having to decide if it's going to make your husband throw up? Do you ever tell them to just shove it?

Fashionably late as usual

I feel like I've forgotten how to do this. Well, here goes.

HI GUYS! I've missed you.

Honestly, pretty much every day I have composed at least one blog post in my head and wished that I could sit down and actually post something. And of course, when I do actually sit down to post, my brain takes a giant dump and I can't come up with an interesting story or anecdote, hell, not even a limerick. What do you do right?

We are finally living in the tiny town with such very limited shopping. We are hoping to close on our home early next week but have gone ahead and moved into it while we wait for the bizzo at the bank to get her shit together and stop wasting our time and money. This is not the original house that we spent a couple grand and over three months on. This is a lovely little twinhome that's about the same square footage but not laid out as well as the other place.

(sidenote: Michael seriously just restricted the amount of ice cream that I put into my bowl! He claims he's just doing it for my own good but I know he just doesn't want me eating all the delicious goodness. Stupid dairy! I'm gonna be wishing I had listened to him in about 20 minutes but it just tastes so good.)

We have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms with no way to add another bedroom even though we have tons of space. There's just no way to put an egress into the basement without going to way too much effort. We may at some point stick Tiny down there in a not fully legal bedroom but that would be in a few years when it's time to have another baby if we haven't moved by then. And let me tell you, we are not in any hurry to move ever again. I'll be lucky if we're unpacked by the time Mike gets back from Kosovo. Not to mention the fugly colors this place has been painted. Why oh why would you choose to paint all the baseboards and trim dark colors? Hunter green, maroon, it's all just too much. I'll post before and after pics whenever I find my usb cables. Also, I seem to have a couple of rugrats running around that I have tons of photos of. Summer is such a great time for photo ops.

Still homeless

Because I am still homeless, I am still staying with a friend. Her internet is the same service we used but for some reason is twice as slow. Thus, in the interest of not taking six hours to post this, I will again resort to the beloved bullet pointed list. Where did we leave off?

• We learned last Monday that the house  we were trying to purchase did not appraise for even close to what we thought. We also learned that the owner is even more stubborn and stupid than we thought and will not come down even a penny on the price, so that purchase will not be happening.
• I looked at every single house for sale in the tiny town and learned that they are all junk except one we can't afford that is overpriced for what it is and outdated. The only other option was a twin home. The yard is too small, there's just one stall of a garage available and no room to make more parking.  There are only two bedrooms and not enough closet space and of course a shared wall with the neighbor.
• We made our offer on the twinhome Friday morning and it was accepted just a few hours later. It isn't anywhere near ideal for us but we're hoping that we can make it work. Honestly I do think that I'm sacrificing a lot of what we want in order to be in this home now versus living with my parents for a year and then buying something when Mike gets back from his deployment.
• Have I mentioned that Michael hasn't seen this house he agreed to pay $73,000 for? Yeah, we were that desperate.
• We have spent so much time driving back and forth and to and fro lately that I'm sure the last month has cost us hundreds in gas. Last week alone Diva spent over 20 hours in her carseat. The girl is sick to death of that damn seat.
• Diva is starting to crawl a little. Basically she can plant her face and push forward with her legs. But she's getting stronger and can spend more time on all fours every day. She's been affected way more than I had hoped by living like a hobo and is getting to be a very crabby girl lately. It all just reinforces that fact that children really do thrive on routine.
• Tiny just got a haircut and looks sooooo much older. I'll have to get pictures of her up soon. I'm really excited about it because Tiny has cried pretty much every time she has brushed her hair for quite awhile now. This is going to be so much easier for us to take care of. Plus the kid never lets me do anything with it anyways so it's not really any loss to me. My mom however is going to FREAK when she sees it. 
• Passive agressive bullshit makes me crabby. That's all I have to say about that at this time.
• It is my 2 year wedding anniversary tomorrow and I'm very excited to actually be able to spend it with my husband. Not that we can really do much because we are poor and will be paying for this house very soon but at least I'll be able to spend the evening with him. That's what matters anyways.
• I am so tired of living like a hobo. I honestly feel like crying every time I walk into our room or try to use the bathroom without making any more mess than absolutely needed. Three people in one small room is just not easy for longer than a night or two.
• Diva is awake and requiring attention. Hopefully we will have our own home by the end of the month and I can get back to wasting my time blogging instead of cleaning.
  

Phlegm

I is sick. Wahhh! It's actually just a cold but still, not good timing universe. So where did we last leave off? Probably almost exactly where we still are.

The seller of the house we intend to purchase has decided that he is going to do the work himself this week. We are crossing our fingers that he is capable of doing it all and doing it right because any further repairs might push things back further. We learned that the appraiser is purposely being a jackass and told our banker that if we push him it's just going to take that much longer for him to come out. So basically he WANTS us to be homeless. Doesn't it just warm the cockles of your heart to find out that a man who works for veterans is acting this way? No wonder the number of homeless veterans is on the rise. I personally blame this one guy for the entire problem.

The good news though is that we got the seller to agree to let us rent the house until closing. I'm not thrilled about spending more money to rent this house when they're already getting more money than we wanted for the purchase. But I also understand that they're doing us a favor and that there's a tiny chance that for some reason the purchase may fall through and they deserve to get the rent for that reason. They also want us to sign something saying we're not going to make any changes to the house which is a little annoying but also understandable for the same reason. I'm just hoping they'll let us hang curtains or blinds because I don't like people seeing in my windows at all times. Any inconveinience about renting the house is by far made up for in the fact that we won't have to move our stuff twice. We won't have to put anything in storage. We can start cleaning and assembling furniture and at least get things into the right rooms. We can't put everything away because I will need to paint and my closet is currently not a closet at all so I'm going to have to live out of boxes for awhile. All the more reason to pray that the jerkface appraiser gets his act together and comes out soon.

Tiny, who is five years old, apparently knows what sex is and I am not prepared for this development at all! Last night she was playing with Barbies in the living room and had them undressed and doing the nasty. When I questioned her about it she of course started by lying to me but eventually she admitted that they were having sex. I honestly didn't know how to respond and ended up spewing something about sex being for adults and the it was innapropriate for her to talk about it and that we would talk about it and I would explain everything when she was older. I'm sort of feeling that I didn't handle things right but I don't actually know how to fix it now. She's FIVE people! She shouldn't have any idea what sex is. When I asked her where she heard about it she told me it's because she watches too much tv. So of course we're going to be much more vigilant about what she is exposed to but from other rumblings that I've heard about things at daycare, I sort of think the older boys there may be telling her about sex as well. Why can't children just be children? I'm very liberal in many ways and I want my kids to know what's what eventually, just not at an age where they are incapable of comprehending how it all works and even that it's innapropriate for her to talk about it in school.

Also, I have this nasty cold that is not going to be helpful in the cleaning packing cleaning unpacking business. Lame universe, lame! Because of this cold I have had WAY more water this morning than my bladder can hold. Must pee now!

Reality tv is stealing my soul

I am currently listening to my poor preshus baybee cry and hoping that she'll be tired enough to settle down quickly when I go to shush her. Hold please. I practice a very wishy washy co-sleeping attachment parenting version of the ferber method in which I let her cry for 5 minutes and then I do whatever it takes to get her to settle down and sleep. Sometimes when I can tell she isn't tired enough I do what I think MIGHT work and then have to let her cry for another five minutes or so to realize that I'm serious about the whole going to bed thing. I can generally tell by her screams how the rest of the evening will go but she also pulls new tricks out every now and again. Not gonna lie, there have been times where I just needed to do something else and gave up trying to get her to go down and let her do whatever it is with me, whether it be watching a movie or taking a shower. I've also had to give up and just lay down with her and decide to get up early instead.

The Bachelorette has sucked me in and I hope this doesn't become a recap blog but wow, these guys are losers. She was my soulmate after I talked to her for 2 minutes when I got out of the limo. Maybe she doesn't like awesome guys. Is that what he actually just said? Awww, he's cute, I want to set him up with my little sister, if I had a little sister I mean.

I was going to share pics tonight but I need a shower and this baby isn't going down without a fight. Later it shall have to be.

Into this dark night

To describe the level of stress that I have been living in lately would probably give me just that tiny push over the edge. I feel a state of hysteria constantly lingering just on the fringe of my vision, taunting me. Whispering in my ear that everything is falling apart. Telling me that I can't do everything, I can't possibly think of everything and make this all happen. Saying that we won't ever close on the house, that we'll have to live with my parents and spend the last few months we have left living two hours away from Michael. Today it says that he would prefer it that way, that he wishes he could go overseas immediately.

I've known this hysteria intimately in the past. I know this dance we do better than any path I've ever traveled. Each time I feel it creep closer and closer. Or is it perhaps just coming on faster but reaching the same line it always has? Either way, it scares me. In fact, nothing scares me more than falling into this roiling mass of darkness and noise. You always expect the dark to be quiet and yet in this night I hear nothing because there is too much sound.

My stress has physically affected me in that I cannot lower my shoulders any lower than oh, the ears, without thinking about it. This week my right shoulder is in excruciating pain if I decide to use my neck in any fashion other than looking straight ahead. My teeth hurt from clenching my jaw all night every night. My back hurts from sitting slouched over at all times from the exhaustion. Whenever I try for just a moment to think about things that make me happy or just don't stress me out, the physical ailments pull me right back into the wringer.

We had hoped to close yesterday and the appraisal has not even been scheduled. We finally learned that the seller intends to make repairs himself, not hire a professional which means more inspections once he's done which all takes more time. Michael has decided to be a spineless victim of the shitty realtor who wants to charge us over $750 for about 30 minutes of her time. He claims he'll support me should I decide to fight it and in the same breath tells me we would be 'bad people' if we didn't pay. I've honestly begun to wonder if it might be easier just to give up on this house and just accept the fact that we won't live together until he returns.

The worst of things is that Michael is not handling this part time separation well at all. He doesn't participate in anything the girls and I do while he's here. He doesn't do anything around the house, much less anything in regards to packing or preparing to move. He says hi and sorts of plays with the kids for the first ten minutes after he walks in the door and then lays on the couch or starts doing laundry or playing video games. The last two Saturdays he has chosen to go to the movies by himself over spending time with the family he never sees. Tonight he told me that he was done. I tried asking what he was done with but instead of talking about it or even fighting about it he just told me to shut up and go away. All because Diva was crying when I tried to make supper and yes, it was obvious that she wanted me but he didn't make any effort to calm her or distract her in any way. Instead he just sat there on the couch and let her cry until I took her back and then freaked out.

I know that this is temporary. I know that it can't be easy for him only seeing us on weekends and maybe once a week. I know that he doesn't really mean that he's done being a father or being a part of this family but a part of me thinks that maybe that is what he means. He was already a little lazy about parenting. He doesn't give her baths and he has never taken a turn getting up early with either child on weekends, even when it was just TinyP and it only required turning the tv on and stumbling back to bed. He only feeds the kids or really does anything when he can't get out of it without looking like an asshole. I'm just afraid that he doesn't care about being an asshole anymore.

Blah blah blah. Whine whine! Marriage is hard! I can't even listen to myself anymore and if you've read this far you really are a pal. It'll all work out because there never is any other option. I know that deep down, it's just the crazy that whispers in my ear that makes me afraid that it's all going to go to pieces. I hope you've all had an awesome weekend so far and that your lives are less stressful than mine at the moment.

Bullet points are everybody's favorite

• The house thing is going as well as we could have expected. Got an initial electrical inspection and a plumbing inspection and things seem to be not too bad, a few things that need fixin but hopefully not enough that the seller is gonna balk at the bill.
• Still waiting for the bank to do their appraisal and inspection. I'm tempted to call them every day to harrass them.
• Might be getting sued at work. It's stupid and groundless and it's coming through legal services so my tax dollars are paying for this shit. No, I did not discriminate against her. We may be thrilled that she got denied but it isn't our fault she has bad credit and owes another landlord money. Just a waste of everybody's got-dang time and a lot of my company's money going to our attorney!
• Thought that my office has smelled like wet cardboard for two or three days now, just realized that it's the smell of my curdling frappacino in my garbage can. I'm gross!
• When I ask someone 3 times if they are moving in and they tell me YES, how the eff am I supposed to know that they are moving out?
• Diva has been rolling like nobodies business and is exploring the idea of scooting herself forward. She gets a little too much face in on the action so she isn't a huge fan of scooting but tries it. She's also pretty good at using one arm as a rudder and turning herself in circles while she's on her stomach. She's been doing this on her back for months but it seems much more complicated when she's facing down.
• Diva has also discovered a love of being upside down. When you hold her she will lean as far to her left as she can then throw her head over. If you're sitting down she starts with the lean and then as she throws her head to the side she lays back so she ends up with her head hanging between your knees. It's cute and makes her happy but I worry that it may not be good for a child to be upside down so much. I'm not sure what could possibly happen but it's one of those things I can't shake with logic.
• I've been picking paint colors for the new house and I'm not one of those types that can stare at twelve different peach tones for days on end and change my mind a million times and finally pick just the perfect one. I compare 2 shades, pick the one I like, compare that against a 3rd and so on until I've ruled out all but one. This process takes about two minutes to pick a color. Am I too impulsive? Will I hate these colors once I have them all in my house? Is there a better way? Probably but I will most likely just paint them and end up repainting in a year because I hate everything. Meh.
• I haven't had my hairs cut in seven months and I'm starting to look like poop. This must be fixed.
• I have officially reacclimated to high heels. It hurts my entire body to wear flats for a full work day. This makes me happy because heels are so much prettier and I was afraid I would let myself become one of those SAHMs that never gets out of her yoga pants but you can't really pull off hells with sweats so I think I'm safe. I'll be a jeans and heels momma.
• It's kind of nice not to have to segue or find any sort of link between the things I want to say. Yay for bullet points.
• Boo to Tyra for kicking Fo off the show. She is so pretty with the freckles. Short women deserve a chance. But her pictures did kind of suck so Tyra probably made the right decision, I just think Fo is so cute and that one chick who starts with an A (Amaya? Amaris? Amalia?) is a super bitch and needs to go home. Also, the cupie doll with the eyes? Should go home and stop sucking in her lower lip and gain five pounds or so. Maybe then you wouldn't look like you had such huge freakish eyes.
• Must go pump now.

PSA

 

Please folks, I ask that you please sit down and have a serious discussion with me.

I need you to vote no to proposition Green Beans for Supper.

There are people in this organization who think that green beans should be EATEN!

Should a green bean enter your vicinity, begin evasive maneuvers immediately.

  

When given a choice...

 

Order the rabbit.